Do you ever feel like you’re missing something on your personal growth journey? There are so many ways to partake of transformational work, but very few of them address our sexual energy and sexual wholeness. And when we don’t address our sexual energy, a lot of energy gets bound up and doesn’t allow us to move forward.
Finding the missing piece
This happened to me as I walked my own path of healing from childhood sexual abuse… I did inner child work, years of therapy, walked across hot coals numerous times, and participated in women’s circles. I eventually got really frustrated and didn’t know where to turn. When I found a school teaching sacred sexual healing, I knew I had found my missing piece.
Most people don’t realize that our sexual energy is our life force energy. When it’s locked down tight, or alternatively, spilling out all over the place like it was for me, it will run our lives without us being aware of it. When I finally got clarity about that, I learned how to clear out my sexual wounding and bring my sexual energy into integrity, everything changed for me: my relationships, my health and vitality, and my capacity to receive all kinds of abundance.
A sacred feminine approach
I offer the 5 keys to sexual wholeness to assist you on your journey to true empowerment and I offer them from a sacred feminine perspective. I’ll give you a sample of some of the tools I regularly use to keep myself in balance and harmony, so that you can experience more energy, clarity, and possibly even see some seemingly miraculous improvements in your relationships. And not just with your partner, if you have one… with your boss, your kids, your friends, and your family.
If at any point you feel uncomfortable with what I’m sharing, I invite you to deepen your breath and just be with it, stay with the discomfort and keep reading. This kind of work is bound to bring up things that have been stored away and not looked at for a long time… maybe ever.
Some of these concepts may be quite familiar and others, maybe not. I invite you to trust that some part of you will understand what’s being imparted, without your mind needing to interpret it. I refer to this as the power of transmission. As I purposefully intend to give you information on many more levels than just words on a page, you can choose to receive it in a similar fashion.
More than a just concept
Sexual wholeness is so much more than a concept to me. I’ve taken such an arduous journey of healing that it’s become my passion, my wisdom, my teaching, and my embodied reality. As I share this information with you, please, take only what works for you and release the rest. Try out the ideas for yourself, adjust them to your liking, or recreate them into whatever serves you best if they don’t work for you in the way I present them. Don’t take my word for it, use your own intuition and authority to determine what’s best for you.
What I’ve learned along the way is that the first and most important relationship I have is with myself. As bring myself back, over and over, into a state of wholeness, I attracted people, partnerships, and relationships of all kinds that reflect my inner being, including my beloved husband and those I collaborate with in my business.
What is sexual wholeness?
Wholeness is defined as an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing lacking. Because our sexual energy is the life force that creates us and animates us in our bodies, I believe sexual wholeness encompasses all of who we are. When we free our feminine sexual life force energy and use it to feed all aspects of our lives, we gain full access to our aliveness, our passion, our joy, and an endless stream of creative energy.
It took me years to understand that I was not broken or damaged, and I know now that none of us are. What I finally came to realize is that I was an unrefined but multifaceted jewel, just waiting for the right opportunities to polish the many facets of myself into a clear and shining diamond. What it took to get there was a willingness to practice, again and again, the simple, powerful tools I’ll share with you.
Let’s get right into 5 Keys to Sexual Wholeness. The way the 5 keys are laid out, we begin by looking inside ourselves and move toward outer expression. As we come into integrity and congruency on the inside, it is natural for outward expression to follow the same principles.
Key #1 Become Aware of Your Energy Body
So, what does that even mean? It’s not as woo woo as it sounds. The human energy field is an invisible electromagnetic field that surrounds each of us. When you turn your attention to this invisible field, you may begin to sense subtle information about yourself, which can be quite powerful. As you connect regularly with your energy body, you begin to refine your ability see reality as it truly is, rather than through the filters of your conditioning. As you develop the ability to see reality as it truly is, you can feel joy and empowerment even in times of difficulty and tragedy. As you tune in even more deeply, you may find opportunities for reclaiming the lost aspects of yourself that can bring you back to wholeness. We all have these lost and banished parts hiding in the basements of our being. Though hidden in shadow, they often find ways to be heard and felt that may show up as self-sabotage, depression, or unexplainable emotions. Working with these banished parts is sometimes known as shadow work, and it’s an integral part of coming into wholeness.
Oftentimes, when people have challenging life experiences, they disconnect from their energy bodies and their emotions. Doing so can foster negative beliefs, illness, sadness, anger, and relationship difficulties. As you practice tuning in to your energy body, you can actually use the energy of challenging life experiences as fuel to reconnect you to your wholeness, inner wisdom, and innate strength.
Your imagination is actually the gateway to perceiving your energy body, and as you practice tuning in to your energy body, you’ll come to trust the information it provides. You may feel inclined to second-guess at first, and wonder if you’re making things up. In essence, what you think you’re making up in your imagination is often your intuition and your sub-conscious providing the answers and information you seek. Sometimes, information will come in the form of colors, symbols, images, or even sounds. Perhaps you’ll imagine you see a word, a phrase, or a symbol. Many people, myself included, get this information in the form of feelings, a knowing or gnosis. Your imagination is not boxed in by the concepts and beliefs that your mind tends to subscribe to, and sometimes the information you’ll get will come as a complete surprise out of left field, something you could not even begin to think up. As you develop this skill, you may find yourself surprised and delighted by this new channel you can tune into. I know I certainly have.
There’s such a natural tendency to try hard to “not feel” when things happen that don’t feel good, especially when we’re children in abusive situations, doing our best to survive. The survival skills we learn at a young age follow us into adulthood, long after their usefulness is served. As a result, we become very good at stuffing away things we don’t want to feel, and that emotional material stays stuck in our bodies. In time, the stuffed-away feelings may manifest as illnesses, pain, unhappiness, depression, challenging relationships, and other situations that can leave us feeling like victims.
Tuning in to your energy body will open up a whole new realm of sensation and sensitivity to what you’ve been storing. In this sexual empowerment work, we pay special attention to our lower energy centers, below the waist. By lower, I don’t mean in a hierarchical way, just lower down on your body. There’s a common tendency to disengage from the lower energy centers when sexual shame or wounding has been part of your experience, and this leads to essentially being cut off from your life force.
As you become aware of your stored emotions and more adept at working with them, you create opportunities to address and clear old patterns, negative belief systems, emotions, and stuck energy around your sexuality as they arise rather than unconsciously storing them. As you become more skilled at this, you may notice that your awareness of your energy and its movement becomes more and more finely attuned.
The first tool I want to offer is really a perspective reframe called “riding the wave.” Think of emotions as waves: they roll in, peak, crash, and recede. Sometimes, when a powerful emotion takes hold of you, it feels like it’ll never let you go. But it always does, so if you can ride it like a wave instead of stuffing it down, you’ll actually move completely through it and it will release its hold on you. Emotions are complex, and there may be many layers, or waves. Just keep riding the wave, and you’ll find it gets easier and easier. As you start to notice an emotion arising in you, and it might be something old or something you feel in the moment, allow yourself to go all the way into it. The secret is to deepen your breath, which will automatically get shallow when you feel a strong emotion.
Key #2 – Engage Consciously With Your Energy
Learning to manage the energy you’re becoming attuned to is important because you want to keep it flowing and moving inside you and use it consciously to feed and empower you. Managing your energy can be accomplished with any number of practices, such as chi gong, meditation, yoga, and a wide range of energy practices.
The most basic of these practices is called “grounding.” This word is tossed around quite a bit, but do you actually know what it means? If we look at a common usage of the term in electrical wiring, it means a physical connection to the earth, for the purpose of regulating voltage. It’s similar for a grounding practice in humans. It brings us all the way into our bodies and into connection with the earth, bringing our energies back to a centered place, helping to regulate our nervous system, which is our voltage. A good grounding practice should leave you feeling focused, refreshed, and strong in your physical body. After the grounding practice, you should feel alert and confident, not relaxed and dreamy like other kinds of meditation techniques.
Here’s a simple grounding visualization that you can do very in a very short time with some practice. Some people are naturally more grounded than others, and if that’s true for you, it may be easier to get this. If that’s not true for you, it may take more practice and focus.
Grounding Tree Meditation
Find a quiet place for a few minutes of meditative practice. This is where your imagination can be put to good use as you visualize, sense, or feel the following scenario: Plant your feet firmly on the ground or floor, and imagine yourself as a tree. As a tree, you have roots. Allow your roots to descend into the earth, weaving naturally through the rocks and soil. Imagine that the roots spread out and grow in the soil, branching into smaller rootlets. Feel the stability of yourself as a tree. With your next breath, slowly inhale all the way up through your roots, into the bottoms of your feet, and up your whole body to your brain. As you exhale, let your breath go back down your body and into the earth through your roots. On the next inhale, imagine you’re taking in whatever your body needs from the earth through your roots, and nourishing yourself with it. As you exhale, release into the earth whatever no longer serves you…you don’t even need to know what it is, just trust that your energy body will take care of the process. Take one more slow deep breath, then take the next few moments of silence to notice how you feel.
You can use this exercise anytime you feel scattered, unfocused, confused, or in any way disconnected, and it will help bring you back into your body.
Key #3: Release Stored Emotions Safely
So far, I’ve talked about ways to tune in to your energy body and to begin to work with your own energy. In the third key, we take a big step into the actual clearing process. As long as you’re storing emotional material in your body, including sexual shame, wounding, or trauma, you’ll draw to you people and situations that will repeat the dynamics created by the original issues. Here’s an example from my own life: my second husband came from a broken home. He carried his unhealed wounding into our marriage just as I did. Once the honeymoon phase was over, the remainder of our 13 year marriage was a painful power struggle, where we each tried to get the love and acceptance that wasn’t available to us in our childhoods, and neither of us had anything to give to the other. Once I got clear of my wounding, I attracted a man who had also been sexually abused in childhood, but who has done his inner work and is healthy, healed, and whole, just as I am.
In order to release stored emotions, the first step is having an awareness that these feelings exist, that they are taking up space in your body and in your life; and the second step is the willingness and courage to find ways to access and clear them. It’s very important to have appropriate support in the process of releasing stored emotions. That might look like having the guidance of someone who can bring a neutral, non-judgmental presence to help create the emotional safety that will allow you to delve into something that might be painful or difficult to revisit. That could be a friend, a partner, or a professional coach or therapist.
Key #4 – Express Yourself with Integrity
Once you’ve become aware of your energy body, you may begin to notice how you are affected by other people and how you affect other people in more subtle ways. What I noticed for myself as I became more aware of my own energy early on my healing path was that my unconstrained expression of sexual life force energy was overwhelming and sometimes even damaging to others. It became imperative for me to bring integrity and consciousness to it.
The first step in this is a steady growth in your awareness, which takes you back to the first key, awareness of your energy body. As you become aware of your own energy body, you’ll naturally become more aware of other people’s energy bodies. There is so much going on in these subtle realms and invisible energy exchanges. As you witness how you’re being impacted by others, I invite you to simply take note of it. It’s not up to you to dictate how others manage their energy. If you’re not comfortable with how others are behaving, you can choose to disengage from them and not be hooked in to the unconscious byplay. I point this out because of my own tendency to want to control and change others, a leftover from my childhood of being powerless and controlled. As you manage your own energies, people will respond to you differently, and sometimes they’ll even change in miraculous ways. What I’ve learned is that the best way I can make a difference on the planet is to heal myself, love myself, take really good care of myself, and let others do the same for themselves. Or not, as they choose.
Mastery of your sexual energy opens up many possibilities for connection and intimacy with others that are not necessarily of a sexual nature, but that can feed your soul. As you gain mastery with your internal practices, appropriate external expression will naturally follow. Self love and self acceptance begin to permeate your being and radiate outwards as you embrace sexual wholeness. As you radiate, you effortlessly magnetize to you people, situations, and opportunities that feel right and good. Consequently, negative people and situations seem to vanish from your experience. What I notice in my own life now, is that if a situation appears challenging or negative, I quickly grasp that there is an important lesson or piece of information in it for me. The sooner I can understand what it is, the sooner the feeling of negativity or challenge dissipates. With practice, I’m able to move through these times of chaos and confusion more quickly and easily.
Key #5 is Cultivate Ongoing Practices
Sexual wholeness is a journey, not a destination. Gaining and using practices over a lifetime will ensure an ongoing refinement of your natural state of harmony and balance. The more you practice, the more you’ll learn about yourself and this will naturally lead to deeply satisfying relationships with others. I’ve personally been on this path of healing and moving into sexual wholeness since 1998. I’m really happy to have gained so many powerful tools that I can call upon when I need them. I’m also happy to be married to a man who is also very committed to using the tools with himself and in our relationship. It creates a safe container in which I can fully trust and surrender no matter what’s coming up for me. I’m committed to an ongoing practice of being my own witness and becoming more aware, to the best of my abilities in any given situation, of the underlying reasons for my reactions, triggers, and emotions.
Some of my favorite practices are the most simple.
Being aware of my breath and breathing deeply is a huge one. When you’re breathing deeply, you’re sending a signal to your nervous system that all is well.
Another is feeling my feelings when they happen. This takes practice, especially for someone like me who had to hide my feelings as a child to stay safe. Sometimes, having someone who can be with me and hold space during this practice is helpful… as long as they will simply be with me, listen, and not try to fix me or offer advice.
Recap of the 5 Keys to Sexual Wholeness
Key #1 – Become Aware of Your Energy Body
Key #2 – Engage Consciously with Your Energy
Key #3 – Release Stored Emotions Safely
Key #4 – Express Yourself with Integrity
Key #5 – Cultivate Ongoing Practices
What you’ve received today is a brief introduction to this material. Like the energy of the feminine, it’s not set in stone, but is part of an unfolding flow of information that is based in my own experience. It’s important to me to teach and write from my own experience, so that I’m bringing you fully embodied concepts. As I demonstrate through my own life what sexual wholeness and empowerment looks like, I have an opportunity to be an ongoing example of what’s possible. I am holding the vision of sexual wholeness for everyone who wishes it as well as sexual empowerment for our entire society. And while I hold that larger vision, I keep the focus on myself and my own process, knowing that healing myself is the key to planetary healing.
I wish you blessings on your path to wholeness!
P.S. If you would like to go more in-depth with these keys, I offer a 6-week guided online journey called The Sacred Feminine Path to Sexual Wholeness-The Alchemy of Abundance. This is the maiden voyage of this program and there’s a half-off tuition coupon available that’s good through October 9, 2020. Use the code maidenvoyage for pay-in-full or maidenvoyageplan for a 3-month payment plan.