The First Secret to Attracting a Beloved - An Inside Perspective | Amrita Grace

I admit that I find Valentine’s Day to be a strange holiday. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating love or recognizing the symbols of love… it’s just that it can seem so cheesy to people (like me) who do not equate love with the Hallmark version filled with hearts, flowers, and chocolates.


The Least Understood Step

I’ve had many, many romantic relationships in my life, including 3 marriages. But there’s only ever been one Beloved. And I called him in with very clear intention. There were several steps I needed to take before I was ready to receive him, and the most important and least understood step was doing my own sexual healing.

That’s because I played out my childhood wounding repeatedly in my first 2 marriages, and it was oh-so-painful for both me and my former spouses. We just kept pressing on each other’s wound buttons, over and over, in the hope of getting healing that never arrived. That went on for about 20 years.

The Missing Piece

After a brief transitional relationship following my 2nd divorce, I chose to be single for several years. And it was during these years that I found my way to sacred sexual healing. After years of therapy, inner child work, and other talk-based modalities, I knew there was an unhealed missing piece around my sexuality. I got REALLY EXCITED about the potential of sacred sexual healing.

After just one weekend retreat, I knew that sacred sexual healing was my path… not just my personal path, but my professional path. This was what every experience of my life had prepared me for. Luckily, there was a 2-year certification program just getting started. I committed fully. That was in 2005.

With my history of childhood sexual/physical/emotional abuse and adult sexual addiction, it took some time for me to come into full integrity with my sexual energy. It was a good time to be single and keep my focus on my own inner transformation.

Calling in my Beloved

As I emerged from my certification program with its very rigorous requirements and became a teacher, I felt more empowered than I ever had before in my life. I knew it was time to begin to call in the Beloved relationship of my dreams.

I met Apollo in Sedona at a sacred sexuality conference in 2008 and some part of me just knew he was my beloved. I lived on Maui, and he lived in Minnesota. We conducted a very connected long-distance relationship for the next 2 years, neither of us admitting (even to ourselves) how powerful our connection was. He was deeply entrenched in his life in Minneapolis… until he wasn’t. He came to live with me on Maui in early 2010 and we were married later that year.

Fast forward to today, 15 years from first contact. We are still very happy together, very much in love. It’s undiluted by the fact that we both work at home and are together most of the time. We’ve been through some challenges like any long-term relationship, though they are far outweighed by the depth of love and intimacy that we share. We don’t see eye to eye on everything, but we do on many things. We still adore each other and we keep growing together.

The Truest Secret

Valentine’s hearts, flowers, and chocolate are symbols, I get that. And they are nice. But the true secret to attracting your Beloved is a willingness to become the person you want to attract.

Do you want a partner with emotional intelligence and maturity? Become that.

Do you want a sexual relationship that’s deeply connected and free of wounding from porn addiction, childhood abuse, religious shame, generational trauma, etc.? Make it a priority to do your own sexual healing work.

But… I Don’t Need Sexual Healing!

Maybe you’re thinking “I don’t need sexual healing, I’ve never been sexually abused.” That’s probably your ego/subconscious talking. It’s that part of you that insists you stay firmly in your comfort zone so you can stay “safe.” It’s not being totally honest with you.

The reality is, we are all exposed to things that wound us sexually, from the time we are born through adulthood. Religion, for starters, and all the shame and secrecy that comes with that. The way sex and relationships are portrayed in music, on TV, and online. The zillion-dollar porn industry. The way our female ancestors were treated by our male ancestors (it was just how things were done back then). The sexual abuse of our foremothers, handed down not just through genetics, but through attitudes and beliefs. Past life stuff. Did you ever say yes to sex when you didn’t really want it? That, too. And on top of all that, add the childhood and adult sexual wounding. I could go on, but you get the idea.

All of this, you bring to your relationships. It may be subconscious and/or deeply buried, but that doesn’t mean it’s not impacting every interaction you have, especially with romantic or intimate partners.

Putting the Healing in Sexual Healing

I was very lucky to find my way to the kind of sexual healing that’s actually healing. There are plenty of workshops on sexuality out there, but 99.9% of them are focused on being sexual. That can bring about more re-wounding than healing. So, let’s talk about how to truly heal your sexuality in a retreat setting.

The Healing Ingredients

  1. Safety
  2. Sacredness
  3. Integrity
  4. Fierce presence
  5. Experienced, highly-trained guidance
  6. A powerful, expertly-held container
  7. Sisterhood
  8. Loving compassion
  9. A facilitator who has done their own sexual healing work

You will find, if you go looking, that this combination of ingredients is RARE. You’ll find either spiritual retreats that don’t address sexuality at all, or sexual retreats that are all about exchanging sexual energy with other participants and sometimes even the facilitators.

I invite you to experience the rarity of safety, sacredness, integrity, fierce presence, experienced, highly-trained guidance, a powerful, expertly-held container, sisterhood, and loving compassion in one of my retreats. I’ll take really good care of you! (see upcoming retreats here)

The Glastonbury retreat is sold out for 2023 and there’s a waiting list available (there have been some cancellations, so please get on the waiting list if you are interested). My only other offering for 2023 is a long weekend in Asheville, NC, May 25-28. It’s called The Art of Receiving-Sacred Sexual Healing Retreat for Wombyn. Early-bird tuition is available through April 13th. I hope to see you there.

Love & blessings, Amrita